There is an unspoken problem in the
dance world that really needs to be breached. Anyone who is a regular
in the social dance scene knows that there are several performance
teams out there that perform at dance socials, parties, congresses, etc. Sadly,
anyone who is a regular in the dance scene also knows that there is
an unfortunately large crop of haters out there that can't wait to
insult said performance teams.
I've personally been on dance teams
twice. Both times, I overheard nasty gossip about myself, heard nasty
comments made about my team when the haters thought we were out of
earshot, or worse, when we had changed clothes and they couldn't
recognize us and went right on flappin' their jaws. I've also heard myriads of nasty comments made about other
dance teams, particularly about the physical condition of some women
on certain dance teams.
“I can't believe SHE is wearing
THAT!”
“Couldn't they have found a costume
to fit HER?”
“I sure as hell wouldn't wear THAT
costume if I looked like HER!”
“OMG! What does SHE think she's doing
on a performance team?”
We've probably all heard these or
similar things said at least once, if not several times. A few of us
may have said similar things a few times. Well, knock it off. If
you've done it before, admit your mistake and vow not to do it again.
Attitudes like that are toxic. You are polluting the dance scene with
your discouraging attitude. You are stunting the growth of more
dancers than you realize.
Just think, the very girl you were criticizing may have been really inspired another girl, perhaps one who is built similarly, but is afraid to join a dance team. She saw the same girl you did, but she saw the positive, she saw her own potential mirrored in that girl.
Then she overhears your nasty comment about the girl she thought was inspiring. In a second,
you've dashed her confidence to the floor. So, she stays home,
doesn't join a dance team even though she really wants to, and
doesn't grow as a dancer. Ask me how I know that can happen. Go
ahead, ask me. I dare you.
With that said, do you see how damaging
your negativity is? If you REALLY can't say something nice SHUT UP, at least wait til you're at home with someone who isn't
in the dance scene at all because you also never know how loose somebody's
lips are. Not to mention, when people hear you say things like that,
they never quite look at you the same way again.
So, actually, it's preferable for you
to just shut up.
“A friend told me about a girl who
made a rude comment about our dance team,” says Tess Khan, a
performer with
Stiletto Dance Company, “The next day, she
ran up to me smiling and hugged me, not knowing that I knew she had
laughed at our routine, and she never even acknowledged anything
about the performance, good or bad.”
How unfortunate! Even if a dance team
completely bombs, the people on it are still worthy of some
recognition for bravery and hard work. Perhaps people watch “Dancing
with the Stars” or “So You Think You Can Dance” and think that
it's normal to learn a whole routine in a day or a week and if
somebody can't do it, there's something wrong with her. Perhaps
people think that only a few body types are “allowed” to dance
(or even allowed out of the house). Perhaps they don't know the
difficult, painstaking, emotional work it takes to perform a dance
number, particularly if you're a beginner or if you're trying to
downsize your shyness.
Another dancer for Stiletto Dance
Company, Kimberly "BachataGata" concurs, “If someone is brave enough to
perform for any sized crowd, in my eyes, that person is a fabulous
dancer. It takes months of physical and mental preparation and
commitment to put together a routine. There is always growth
occurring, which is an intense process at any level.”
Provided some dance teams or some
individual dancers totally mess up a performance. It's an
inevitability, but it's also a part of the growth process and the
positive should be nurtured, rather than the negative being
emphasized.
Kimberly continues, “I have deep
respect for anyone who gets on stage to share their personal growth.
They deserve our most exuberant applause."
Indeed.
Of course, some people will be
apologists for the poisonous behavior, saying, “Well, it's up to
you to have confidence in yourself and to not let those comments get
you down. The people who say that just have issues themselves so you
can't take it personally.”
…but it is personal and it is
hurtful. The “be confident in yourself” attitude does have some
truth to it, but it can breed a toxicity of its own. Yes, you should
join a dance team for YOU and not so you can earn praise from others.
Yes, you should continue dancing if YOU enjoy it and it makes YOU
grow. Nonetheless, nonconstructive, cruel criticism is an unpleasant,
difficult thing to have to deal with and telling people they need to
“be confident” is, frankly, insulting. It asserts that they're to
blame for having bruises where their hearts were kicked. It asserts
that they're weak and just don't know how to handle their emotions.
It asserts that their emotions are wrong and that they aren't allowed
to have them. Worst of all, it lets the jerkwads get off scot-free!
Don't make nasty comments and don't
excuse nasty comments. Next time you hear someone saying something
negative about ANY dance team (because you WILL hear it), correct
them. Stand up for those that are brave enough to put themselves out
there to be judged, scrutinized and possibly ridiculed. Let people
know that their venomous attitudes are not welcome in the dance
world. Most importantly, always congratulate the performers if you
have the chance, even if they messed up, even if they don't look
great in their costumes, even if you didn't like the choreography.
You are nurturing their confidence and growth and they will thank you
for it.
If you happen to be one of the people
who criticizes dance teams, I have two words for you: Join
one.
