As in other realms of life, on the dance floor, free advice is worth roughly what you pay for it (just like this, har har har). The only difference is on the floor, even if the advice is worth gold, the adviser usually ends up looking like a jerk. You might think you're doing a good thing, helping someone learn, showing them a fascinating new trick, bringing out their potential. You're not. You're making yourself look like an ass.
Giving people dance advice they didn't ask for is beyond rude for a variety of reasons. First of all, you're implying they don't know what they're doing. It may be true that they don't know what they're doing, but of course, that's what being a beginner means. Everyone has their own learning process and chances are, someone who doesn't know how to dance but wants to is probably paying good money to take classes from professionals. Tis best to let the professionals be in charge of the lesson plan. In fact, even if someone asks, it might be better to direct him/her in a professional's direction.
Second, you're implying that you do know what you're doing. Unless someone has asked your advice or has paid you for dance lessons because you're a professional dance teacher, then what you have to say is best kept to yourself. You're likely not perfect and it would be in both your best interests not to act as if you are. It's especially bothersome when someone willingly acknowledges, "I'm just a beginner," or, "I'm just learning this dance," and some wannabe-Maksim-Chemerkovskiy takes that as an opportunity to flatter himself by acting like he's some kind of mentor to this poor, unfortunate, inexperienced dancer. Could the picture of arrogance be any more precisely painted?
And let's face it, I can personally issue you a 100% money-back guarantee that you are not as talented, knowledgeable or good looking as Maksim Chmerkovskiy, because if you were, you'd be doing what he does....but you're not, you're hanging out in bars, clubs, and dance studios backhandedly criticizing people. Maybe you have a bright future with TMZ, but certainly not as a dance instructor. Keep it to yourself.
Third, as many learned folks have said, "It takes a wise man to admit he's a fool." Beginners are well aware that they don't know what they're doing. It takes a lot of guts to learn anything new, least of all dancing, that some people are just too afraid to even try. They end up parked on the couch, hand in the Cheetos bag, eyes glued to Dancing with the Stars, all the while wishing they had the huevos to get up and dance. If someone is brave enough to get off that couch and learn, you should be proud of them, even if they're not dancing like a star. Don't forget, bravery isn't about not being scared. Bravery is about being terrified, but continuing anyway. Most beginners already feel like scared, shy, awkward, uncomfortable virgins. Just like in the bedroom, they don't need you reminding them how severely lacking their skills are. They won't have fun, they won't gain confidence, and they won't want to be with you again.Worse, they'll go tell all their friends what an asshat you are.
Last, I'm not sure what your parents taught you, but generally, in life, if you don't have something nice to say to somebody, STFU! People take up dance for various reasons. Some of them do it to get more exercise, some want to come out of their shells, some want to gain a better body image, and still some just want to go out and have fun. Since you never know someone's past, its best not to try to dictate their future. You're probably doing more harm than good. Even if you think it's valuable, life-altering information, there is no need to take the chance that you might hurt or discourage someone.
On the reverse side of the coin, if you happen to be the unfortunate recipient of this unsolicited "advice," don't put up with it! For whatever reason, you started dancing with a purpose and it took a lot of courage to start, and even more to continue. Don't let people take that from you. If someone tries to <s>insult</s> advise you when you didn't ask, politely, but sternly remind them, "I know I'm just a beginner, and I don't know a lot, and I appreciate that you want to help me learn, but I didn't ask."
If they put up a fight over it, tell them you'll ask the instructor later. If they still insist on "instructing you," though it might seem like you're stepping on toes, walk away. At that point, you've clearly communicated how you feel and they've clearly communicated they have no interest in listening.
Never be afraid to stand up for yourself! No one worth dancing with will blame you....then again, no one worth dancing with will say rude things like that to you either, but we all make mistakes. It's important, not only for your confidence to stand up for yourself, but also for your technique, to only take dance advice from professionals. If you take advice from every wannabe Maksim out there, you might spare their egos, but you'll end up confused because, as mentioned, if any of them were as good as he is, they'd be doing what he does, but they're not; and there are a LOT of wannabe Maksims out there. Trust me, their egos aren't worth sparing, especially at the expense of inhibiting your education.
Don't be rude.
Don't accept rudeness.
Showing posts with label afraid to dance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label afraid to dance. Show all posts
Monday, January 23, 2012
Friday, December 2, 2011
Excuses, excuses
So many people sit back and watch dancing shows on TV, all the while lamenting to themselves, "I could never dance like that." You could, actually, but you make excuse upon excuse not to. Here are some of the top excuses and why they're wrong.
I can't afford it. If you want to dress like the folks on Dancing with the Stars, you're right. You probably can't afford that, but neither can anyone that doesn't have Mickey Mouse's budget. In most cities, you can find studios and clubs that offer dance socials for as cheap as $7. The most expensive will be $20 and most of these socials include a basic dance lesson and people usually wear casual clothes. Your one investment is a good pair of dance shoes.
When it comes to any other hobby, people are willing to pay a lot more than it costs to dance. Take tennis for example. First, you have to either pay court fees or join a country club or neighborhood tennis association in order to use the court. Then you have to pay for lessons. Then, if you want to compete, you have to pay to join some organization such as ALTA or USTA. On top of that, you buy a racket, tennis balls, tennis shoes, a bag, a water bottle, appropriate court clothing. Similar expenses are necessary for any sport. All those things are way more expensive than the only real investment you need to make as a dancer: a good pair of dance shoes. In the worst case scenario, there are street shoes for both men and women that will suffice (don't tell Capezio I said that).
I don't have a dance partner and/or my romantic partner won't do it. Leave your romantic partner at home. In fact, go ahead and leave your romantic partner permanently because you don't need to waste your time on anyone who is too scared to try something new or who won't do something nice once in a while just to make you happy. Ladies, how many times have you sat through a three hour movie with a title like, "Explosionville: The Apocalypse," because you loved your man? Or, gentlemen, you know you've done the same thing for your lady only with titles like, "The Girl Who Did Stuff and Then Found Herself." Just sayin'.
If divorce isn't an option or if you're single, never fear. Most people who dance socially don't have dance partners either. Often, if they have romantic partners, they'll usually dance with everyone else anyway. This could be a problem if you want to participate in competitions, but it would be wise to try dancing socially before diving into shows and competitions. Even at that point, Jack 'n' Jill is a very common type of competition. You don't dance with a predetermined partner, you're just set up with another dancer and you may even switch partners.
I'm too old. No you're not. The end.
I'm too.......(complaint). These complaints are usually made by someone who is uncomfortable with her/his looks. Sure, the dancers on So You Think You Can Dance and Dancing with the Stars are all very glamorous, attractive people, but that's TV. Even those folks are severely enhanced with makeup, spray tans, lighting, and high quality camera work. You don't have to look like a TV star to do any of your other hobbies, do you? Dancing is one of the most diverse activities on the planet. People of all shapes, sizes, ages, genders, sexual orientations, belief systems, cultures, colors, etc., participate in dancing.
It's "gay." No, sports are gay. Guys who dance professionally might wear frilly costumes and heeled shoes, but you know what they don't do? They don't slap each others' asses every time one of them makes a good move and then all get naked together in the shower after a competition. They also usually dance with women, who are often in skimpy clothing, whereas, in sports, there are usually nothing but men in tight pants on both teams. So, you tell me what's gayer. Not to disparage sports, homosexuality, or male-on-man grab-ass, but if you can handle those blatantly homosexual behaviors in sports, why can't you handle any slightly homosexual aspects of dance? Besides, in social dancing, guys usually don't wear all the frills, sparkles, and heels. To your benefit, a lot more women dance than men. No matter what you look like, you will have your pick of any lady you like and won't have to sit down for even a minute if you don't want to.
I'm not coordinated enough. Yes you are, you just have to try, try, try. You don't expect to paint the Mona Lisa the first time you pick up a paint brush, so why do you think the first time you step on the dance floor, you're going to dance like Baryshnikov? You were pretty darn awkward when you learned to walk, but now you do it every day without thinking.
I don't want to look stupid. Well, that's okay because no one is really looking anyway. When you take a class, most of the other people in the class are focused on their own learning process. They're not even really paying attention to you. When it comes to mistakes in dance, most people have a goldfish's memory. They might see you do something silly and laugh at the time, but three seconds later, they've forgotten about it, because they're back to focusing on their own learning.
I won't know anybody there. Grow up. When's the last time you started any activity where you knew the majority of people there?
I tried a few times but nobody danced with me. This is an unfortunate aspect of the dance world that nobody likes to admit exists. There is a problem with being the new kid. There is no denying it. The only solution is to increase your face time with those folks. Go dancing as much as possible. Even if no one dances with you, people will start to remember your face and you will become familiar to them. You may even want to approach the instructor. Most of them are friendly and are happy to introduce you to other folks. It takes time. In fact, Latin dancers even have a term for this, Salsa Hell. Yes, this can be extremely difficult on the self esteem, but we've all been there. After you survive it and you become an experienced dancer, take it as your personal responsibility to welcome to new dancers.
Go ahead, try to make an excuse not to dance, but you know the only real thing holding you back is you!
I can't afford it. If you want to dress like the folks on Dancing with the Stars, you're right. You probably can't afford that, but neither can anyone that doesn't have Mickey Mouse's budget. In most cities, you can find studios and clubs that offer dance socials for as cheap as $7. The most expensive will be $20 and most of these socials include a basic dance lesson and people usually wear casual clothes. Your one investment is a good pair of dance shoes.
When it comes to any other hobby, people are willing to pay a lot more than it costs to dance. Take tennis for example. First, you have to either pay court fees or join a country club or neighborhood tennis association in order to use the court. Then you have to pay for lessons. Then, if you want to compete, you have to pay to join some organization such as ALTA or USTA. On top of that, you buy a racket, tennis balls, tennis shoes, a bag, a water bottle, appropriate court clothing. Similar expenses are necessary for any sport. All those things are way more expensive than the only real investment you need to make as a dancer: a good pair of dance shoes. In the worst case scenario, there are street shoes for both men and women that will suffice (don't tell Capezio I said that).
I don't have a dance partner and/or my romantic partner won't do it. Leave your romantic partner at home. In fact, go ahead and leave your romantic partner permanently because you don't need to waste your time on anyone who is too scared to try something new or who won't do something nice once in a while just to make you happy. Ladies, how many times have you sat through a three hour movie with a title like, "Explosionville: The Apocalypse," because you loved your man? Or, gentlemen, you know you've done the same thing for your lady only with titles like, "The Girl Who Did Stuff and Then Found Herself." Just sayin'.
If divorce isn't an option or if you're single, never fear. Most people who dance socially don't have dance partners either. Often, if they have romantic partners, they'll usually dance with everyone else anyway. This could be a problem if you want to participate in competitions, but it would be wise to try dancing socially before diving into shows and competitions. Even at that point, Jack 'n' Jill is a very common type of competition. You don't dance with a predetermined partner, you're just set up with another dancer and you may even switch partners.
I'm too old. No you're not. The end.
I'm too.......(complaint). These complaints are usually made by someone who is uncomfortable with her/his looks. Sure, the dancers on So You Think You Can Dance and Dancing with the Stars are all very glamorous, attractive people, but that's TV. Even those folks are severely enhanced with makeup, spray tans, lighting, and high quality camera work. You don't have to look like a TV star to do any of your other hobbies, do you? Dancing is one of the most diverse activities on the planet. People of all shapes, sizes, ages, genders, sexual orientations, belief systems, cultures, colors, etc., participate in dancing.
It's "gay." No, sports are gay. Guys who dance professionally might wear frilly costumes and heeled shoes, but you know what they don't do? They don't slap each others' asses every time one of them makes a good move and then all get naked together in the shower after a competition. They also usually dance with women, who are often in skimpy clothing, whereas, in sports, there are usually nothing but men in tight pants on both teams. So, you tell me what's gayer. Not to disparage sports, homosexuality, or male-on-man grab-ass, but if you can handle those blatantly homosexual behaviors in sports, why can't you handle any slightly homosexual aspects of dance? Besides, in social dancing, guys usually don't wear all the frills, sparkles, and heels. To your benefit, a lot more women dance than men. No matter what you look like, you will have your pick of any lady you like and won't have to sit down for even a minute if you don't want to.
I'm not coordinated enough. Yes you are, you just have to try, try, try. You don't expect to paint the Mona Lisa the first time you pick up a paint brush, so why do you think the first time you step on the dance floor, you're going to dance like Baryshnikov? You were pretty darn awkward when you learned to walk, but now you do it every day without thinking.
I don't want to look stupid. Well, that's okay because no one is really looking anyway. When you take a class, most of the other people in the class are focused on their own learning process. They're not even really paying attention to you. When it comes to mistakes in dance, most people have a goldfish's memory. They might see you do something silly and laugh at the time, but three seconds later, they've forgotten about it, because they're back to focusing on their own learning.
I won't know anybody there. Grow up. When's the last time you started any activity where you knew the majority of people there?
I tried a few times but nobody danced with me. This is an unfortunate aspect of the dance world that nobody likes to admit exists. There is a problem with being the new kid. There is no denying it. The only solution is to increase your face time with those folks. Go dancing as much as possible. Even if no one dances with you, people will start to remember your face and you will become familiar to them. You may even want to approach the instructor. Most of them are friendly and are happy to introduce you to other folks. It takes time. In fact, Latin dancers even have a term for this, Salsa Hell. Yes, this can be extremely difficult on the self esteem, but we've all been there. After you survive it and you become an experienced dancer, take it as your personal responsibility to welcome to new dancers.
Go ahead, try to make an excuse not to dance, but you know the only real thing holding you back is you!
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